Firstly, I feel a bit bad that only managed to publish 1 post for Diabetes Blog Week – next year I will try to improve on that!
Secondly, when I was studying in the US I took a few acting classes. And in one of them we had to create Original Solo Productions for our final assessment. There was one girl whose performance was about how at night, when she can’t sleep, she has to write her thoughts down because otherwise they prevent her from drifting off. She illustrated this process by tying a bunch of balloons to her wrist which would literally ‘lift’ her off her pillow. It was really creative and great. And that’s how I feel right now.
To use that metaphor, today has been full of small situations where balloons have been tied to my wrist. One by one. And now, when it’s time to drift off, there’s a whole bunch of balloons preventing me from doing just that. And they’ve mostly all been diabetes coloured balloons (blue, obviously).
So now, in an attempt to pop them and get some sleep tonight, I want to write them down.
Diabetes Balloon Bunch Part 1:
I stumbled across a blog by one of my favourite bloggers, Renza. She talked about a scary hypo and dealing with the emotional aftermath. The battle between taking precautions for your health, and making concessions to your independence and values. And it resonated with me deeply. And made me feel all kinds of things; empathetic, scared and confronted by the realities of living with type 1 diabetes and what can happen, moved by the honesty and power of sharing your experiences, inspired, and probably a few others.
But I didn’t have space to process them all at the time, so the feelings and worries and thoughts formed little balloons and accumulated on my wrist. And now as I wind down and attempt to go to sleep, I can’t help but notice them all, floating around my head. And the only thing I can think of to do with them, the only way I can envisage popping them, is to share them with the DOC.
Because at the end of the day, I can only do so much preparation in regards to my diabetes. I can’t pre-empt my antiseptic tea tree oil spilling all over my infusion set and ruining the adhesive. I can’t prevent blood blisters forming under some of my sites. I can’t determine whether that contributed to my slightly higher than normal blood sugars the past few days, or if it was the succession of Chinese food for dinner the past few nights, or something completely different. I can’t predict what new my new exercise regime is going to do to my levels: if it will cause a dramatic drop, if it will simply counter-act the aforementioned slightly higher than normal blood sugars, if it will do nothing, or if it will do a little bit of everything (just to keep me on my toes)!
But I know I have control over how I deal with all of that. My attitude, and the anxiety I feel when I think of all of those things, and the stress it causes – especially when I try to think about them all at once!
And that control is really powerful. And that’s where the feeling inspired comes in. I’m very passionate about dealing with the mental burden and psycho-social aspects of living with diabetes. And I feel very strongly about the lack of resources that meet those needs here in WA. Which brings me to Diabetes Balloon Bunch Part 2.
But that’s a blog for another day… For now, it’s time to drift off to sleep!