Don’t judge me. Me, me, me, me, me.

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This week is Diabetes Blog Week, and I’m using it as the perfect opportunity to wade into the dblog world. I’m still very new to this (blogging thing). And it’s far from perfect. Which doesn’t sit well with me…And that’s why I’m excited about this. I really want to write. But more so, I just want to write. Without too much over-thinking or judging. Which kind of ties in nicely with today’s topic:

Share and Don’t Share.

Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one’s daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don’t see?

While I LOVE the idea of my HCP’s listening to me, I don’t like the idea of them reading my blog. I want my blog to be a place where I can vent, and whinge, and be honest. Honest to a bunch of people I know GET it. Not a bunch of people whose feelings I have to feel responsible for, or tip-toe around. And when it comes to my HCP’s, even though their job is to help me, I very rarely feel like I get what I need from the sessions or time I have with them.

I feel embarrassed to ask something, or the right time never comes up, or we simply don’t click. I feel overwhelmed with all the information I’m getting, however wonderful and useful it is, that I don’t process it and take the time to ask questions. I’m scared I’ll offend them if I ask them to say it again, or say it in a way that actually works for me, or say it with a bit more understanding. I feel like they don’t get it, don’t care, or won’t be able to help – so why bother?

Don’t get me wrong, I have some great HCP’s who really listen to me. But I also have a lot who don’t. And that irks me. Because none of my HCP’s live with diabetes (to my knowledge). So unless they ask, how can they understand that “have you had any lows in the past week?” isn’t just a clinical question about a bunch of numbers my body is throwing at me, it’s about so much more. To me (me, me, me, me). It’s personal; It’s about the way I manage my condition, it’s about the way I live with it, it’s about control, and it’s about their understanding of all of that. And straight off the bat I feel like they don’t understand. Which makes me feel frustrated, angry and upset – all at the same time.

Because they could. If they just recognised the power of their language, the outcomes of our sessions would be so much better, I’d be so much happier, and they’d go through a lot less Kleenex in their consult rooms! If they just phrased their questions a tiny bit differently, it would make a huge difference. To me. Me, me, me, me, me. i.e. instead of “have you had any lows in the past week?” how about “tell me about how this past week has been for you.” or even “what do you really want to solve today? what do you need help with? what are you struggling with at the moment?” Any of those is an invitation for me to give them a bit of insight into my condition, tell them about what I’m struggling with, tell them about my goals and tell them how I want their help. And it’s usually got nothing to do with the number of lows I’m having in a week…

But it’s not all about me. If my health is their job, and that approach works for me, then surely it would make a huge difference to them as well – win, win.

So if I had to say something to my HCP’s, it would be:

Please remember ME. This is about me. Me, me, me, me, me. Don’t judge. Try and empathise. If you don’t know something about my condition, ask me. I don’t mind, in fact I’d love it. When you assume, that’s when I get angry, and frustrated, and the walls come up while the tissues come out.

Please remember the power you have to educate me about, empower me to look after, and engage me in my health. Recognise it, embrace it, honour it, and use it – wisely and gently, please.

I have everything I need to manage my condition in me, I may just forget it from time to time. Often, the ways you can help me the most are by reminding me of that, or just listening to me. Because often, what you don’t understand is how emotional diabetes is. When you listen to me, truly and simply just listen, I can guarantee you that I instantly feel better. And that helps more than being told what my fasting lipids are. 

And finally, please remember the power of your language.

Thanks,

Rachel. 🙂

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It’s no fun being sick, but sometimes it should be.

This week has been a shocker. My stress levels, IBS, and blood sugars have all run amok. And yesterday, coming home from work on a Friday, with a host of fun social engagements planned for the weekend to combat my crappy week, I started to feel flu’y (totally a word). But it’s been the last straw, and probably a much needed rattle to my current mentality. I woke up this morning thinking that I would have to stay in bed, get some rest, be bored, be miserable, be sick, lonely & miss out on everything that I had planned. But then I thought, maybe there’s a middle ground here, maybe I don’t need to play the victim, maybe I can have my cake and eat it too. Maybe I can stop feeling sorry for myself, and start looking after myself – better than I think I have been. I realised that I’m not just sick of being sick, and sick of feeling sick, but mostly I’m sick of ‘thinking sick’ – in an attempt to put my health first lately, I seem to have lost a lot of the fun in my life. In an attempt to accept things, I seem to have become complacent with this icky place I’m in. Allowing the laziness, due to lack of energy, because my specialist can only see me next month and this is just for now, this is temporary, this is accepting things. Bulls**t. This is laying down your sword, this is giving in and playing the victim. Yes, I have no idea what causes my IBS to flare up, and that seems to wreak havoc on my body & my blood sugars. But just because I have no answers in the form of laboratory tests or a diagnosis, doesn’t mean I can’t listen to my body, make my own mind up, pave my own way. I have given all control of my body, my life, my future plans to doctors, and specialists and lab results. No wonder I’m miserable and second guessing it all at the moment, I’ve never had too much luck with any of those before, not reliably or consistently. Not in a way that I need. That’s only going to come from me, I can see that now – I think I’ve had a much needed ‘light bulb’ moment.

I feel like lately I have literally become a shell of myself. And I know that it’s not as easy as resorting to the old me, she’s in the past. She was pre-this journey. But I feel like perhaps I’ve laid all of her to bed, or to rest, when that’s probably the worst thing I could’ve done, no matter how great my intentions were. It’s time to rediscover old parts of me, and get in touch with the new me. Awaken certain parts of myself that have been put to rest. Get her up, get her moving, get her out of bed! Now, if only she could turn the television off… 😉